it's not cheating when I paid for it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
