how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
