I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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