it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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