I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
