fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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