i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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