you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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