ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
