I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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