If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
