just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize