Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
