seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
