non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Randomize
