she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
