tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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