As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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