Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
