saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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