Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
