i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
