i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
