if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
