I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize