so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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