are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
