Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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