you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
A+ Viking dick
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
