sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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