so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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