You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
cat food counts as protein by the way
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
