oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
