fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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