Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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