definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
