I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
