he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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