How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
