do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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