Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
