It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize