She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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