The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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