I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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