I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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