I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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