i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
