Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
