She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize