I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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