you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
BRING THE BAGELS
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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