so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
