I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
