My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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