i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
