Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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