apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
