Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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