So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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