love makes seman taste better
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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