I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
