So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
There's even glitter on my cock...
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