i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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