I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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