i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
