It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
