how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just want nice things and good sex
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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