you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
